I have been planning Milo’s birthday since he was born. Honestly I think I started the Pinterest board a month before he was born. I had a lot of time after we matched waiting for him to be born. And I am nothing but a planner.
I narrowed the theme down to three but kept coming back to the vintage airplanes and red, white and blues of the theme “Time Flies”.
This past year has truly flown by. It felt long in the moment but it went by in the blink of an eye. I truly understand the saying now, “The days are long but the years are short.”
Our sweet little boy is one!
I worked hard designing and creating each little detail for his birthday party. It was a lot of work, but it was completely worth it.
I also lowered my expectations for how Milo would be at his party. He has become more apprehensive of new people and is a terror when it comes to trying new food.
We ordered his smash cake from Sassy Cakes by Lindsay and it did not disappoint! I loved the colors she used, the airplane, and the clouds of icing on the top.
Singing “Happy Birthday” was totally fine (we may have practiced all week so he would get used to the song” but he was not interested in the cake.
At his birthday photoshoot, I bought a small cake from King Supers and he wanted nothing to do with it. He ended up having a total meltdown because I made him touch it. But at his birthday party, Payton (his birth mom) helped him see the goodness that is CAKE & FROSTING!
The best part of Milo’s birthday party was having Payton here. She drove out with her best friend and stayed for two nights.
If I could have guessed or imagine what our relationship would look like with Milo’s birth family, we would not have even come close to the amazing open relationship we share with Payton.
Originally we had agreed to one visit a year, sometime near his birthday. Now we have seen Payton three times (all different weekends) and will be seeing her again next month.
Payton affirms me everyday, that I am the women she has chosen and entrusted with Milo and that there is no other person she would ever choose or trust. She has become family and I cannot imagine doing this crazy life of adoption and parenthood without her by my side.
It was a complete joy being surrounded by our family and friends, our people and tribe. All of these people have poured into our lives in more than one way. They have loved us unconditionally.
It was also amazing seeing everyone who has prayed for and loved on our sweet little boy. His first year of life has been filled with joy and love and it will continue to grow as he does.
This birthday party was also a celebration for us as parents, because we sustained that baby boy and survived the first year. We are so incredibly in love with Milo and thank God everyday for allowing us to love him and to raise him.
This week our lives completely changed! We are so excited to announce the birth of our son, Milo Payton! We are so incredibly grateful for his safe and early arrival! He gets to be ours because of his birth mother’s unconditional love for him. We will be sharing his birth story soon! Milo, you are so loved!
Milo Payton // 12 Days Old He loves eating & sleeping and no matter how good the swaddle, his hands always find his face. He crosses his legs and arms most of the time but is finally starting to stretch out.
His grunt/talk is the cutest thing Will and I have ever heard. He doesn’t really like posing for photos but will have to get used to it because I want to capture everything. Being his mom is the best thing!
Milo Payton // 20 Days He is awake now for most of the day and his little blue eyes melt my heart. He is eating like a champ and has already surpassed his birth weight. His favorite place to fall asleep is in our arms. He really dislikes being flat on his back and protests every single diaper change. I literally can’t stop kissing his adorable face!
Milo Payton // One Month Old We had his one month check up today and this healthy boy has grown so much!! Weighing in at 7lb & 9 oz and measuring 20in long, he finally fills out his newborn clothes! Milo loves eating, sleeping, and his Ryan and Rose pacifier. His little hands grab onto my shirt and arm when he is being held.
He has peed on his face 4 times and toots all the time. This month has been completely exhausting, but this little guy makes it all totally worth it! We are so excited to see how you grow. It is a joy to be your mom! Milo, you are so loved!
Milo Payton // 50 Days Old 50 days of being your mom and dad. 50 days of sleepless nights and endless cuddles. 50 days of falling in love with you completely. You are so curious and aware of the world around you. You smiled at me for the first time and my heart melted. You make the cutest noises when you are happy.
We love you more than anything else in this world!
Milo Payton // Two Months Old You have gone up a size in clothes (0-3), ounces (4), diapers (1) and bottle nipples (1). You weigh at least 9 lbs! You had your first bath and you kicked your legs with pure delight!
You are starting to see the world and your blue eyes curiously soak it all in. Eating is still your favorite thing! You are growing up so fast and we just fall in love with you more and more everyday!
Milo Payton // First Flight Milo had his two month check up yesterday and he now weighs 10lb 4oz, is 22 inches long, and had his 2 month vaccinations! He is a wiggly, smiley, & growing boy who is quickly becoming a seasoned traveler. His first flight was 2 hours and he slept the entire time
Milo Payton // Three Months Old Your dad and I cannot believe how much you have grown in just three months! You are over 12 pounds of cuddly, smiley, & loveable chub. You have been sleeping on your own in your nursery for almost a month now and are sleeping 6+ hours at night making mummy and daddy very happy!
You love to look at your mobile and talk. You smile in your sleep, which is the only time that you are not moving. You have brought so much joy into our lives sweet boy. We love how you look at us with your beautiful blue eyes and smile at us with the most gorgeous smile. You are so incredibly loved.
Milo Payton // 4 months old. He is sleeping 12 hours at night, with one dream feed, and is taking 3-4 naps during the day. He is eating less milk (and not throwing up hardly at all) and is overall a rested and happy baby. He has grown so much that he is up a size in clothes and diapers.
He has totally found his voice with cooing and talking but also screaming when he is hungry or tired. He laughs when we tickle him and he smiles back at us non-stop. He loves to grab onto things and play with them and is constantly chomping on his hands.
He is always kicking his legs and loves to sleep cuddled up with his giraffe pacifier ‘Ginny’. We are still pinching ourselves that we get to be his parents. Milo Payton, you are so loved.
Milo Payton // First Fall This handsome boy gets cuter every single day. Milo had his four month check up and weighed in at 13lbs 2oz! He is growing so well and has begun to roll onto his side. His smile lights up when he sees us! I can’t wait to enjoy all my fall favorites with him this year!
Milo Payton // 5 Months Old This sweet boy gets cuter every single day. Five months old and he already has a lot to say. Milo coos and laughs all the time. He has started blowing raspberries and can roll onto his side if he sees something he wants. His hands are always in his mouth and his feet still kick nonstop.
His face lights up every time he sees us. He loves laying on his play mat and his soft crinkly book. Tummy time is so much fun as he can now push up his huge head with his arms. We fall in love with him more every single day.
Milo Payton // First Halloween “It simply isn’t an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons” -JR Tolkien Milo is definitely the cutest dragon and life with him is the greatest adventure.
This sweet boy is starting to show his personality. He is so happy, chats non-stop, and has the cutest giggle! Milo still really loves milk but is also enjoying pumpkin, pear and butternut squash. He still hates the car seat but listening to Greatest Showman soundtrack helps makes car journeys better. He is starting to roll on his side and loves reading books with Granny. He is so incredibly loved.
Milo Payton // Six Months Old This past month has been a month of first for you. Eating solids for the first time, blowing raspberries so much you soak through your onesie, and rolling from your tummy to your back. You follow sounds, hold your bottle, and move your arms and legs constantly.
This is also the month you fought naps and woke up in the middle of the night again to eat. You love your doggies and giggle every time you see them. You smile at everyone, but your face lights up when you see daddy or me. You throw your head and arms back dramatically when you are upset.
Your hands are always in your mouth and you love grabbing my hair (and anything else you can snag!) We are still so incredibly honored to call you our son. We love you so much.
Milo Payton // 7 Months Old This has been our favorite month yet. Milo is officially rolling all over the place. He gets easily frustrated if he can’t quite reach something, but he’s learning how to move.
He is constantly making noises that range from giggles to high-pitch screeches. He can feed himself from a food pouch (and gets mad if you try to help him ) and is eating lots of new foods. He still loves sweet potatoes and apples the best and he extremely dislikes avocado.
Milo is sleeping really well during the day but still likes to party a couple times at night. He has grown so much and now weighs in at 17 pounds! We love him so incredibly much!
Milo Payton // Eight Months Old What a month! Milo got to celebrate his first Christmas and New Year’s Eve! He also met two of his cousins for the first time...all the way from England! He is rolling everywhere and has just started pushing up onto his knees...he will be crawling any day now.
He can finally pick up pieces of food, put them in his mouth and chew! Still no teeth! He is still as independent as ever and does not like being fed. He is finally sleeping through the night again and Will and I are so thankful! He was sick over Christmas but is finally back to his happy, chatty, and overjoyed self.
He still has so much to say and wants to be with us all the time. We fall in love with him more and more every single day. We love you Milo Payton
Keep Calm...we are going to England
Milo Payton // Nine Months Old Our sweet boy has grown so much over the past nine months. He weighs 19 pounds (tripling his birth weight) and is wearing 9-12 months clothes. He is officially sitting on his own, crawling on his hands and knees and pushing up his legs to bear walk.
He is getting into everything and loves his Slumberkins sloth and the Apple TV remote 🤦🏼♀️. He is so active, constantly moving and talking. He is finally sleeping through the night, eating all the food and is the happiest, most dramatic baby ever. We love you so much Milo 👶🏻❤️🙌🏻🎉✨🙏🏻
Milo Payton // Ten Months Old This has been our biggest month yet! Milo went on his first trip to England and met all his cousins and family. We got to explore or favorite places! On that trip he officially started crawling.
Milo is getting into everything! He crawls so fast and can even pull up to standing. His favorite place to escape is the dog beds.
He still makes lots of noises and screeches, but now he also says “Dada” and “Mama”. He has gotten a bit shy but warms up pretty quickly to new people. He is so incredibly social.
Milo loves to eat and his favorites are scrambled eggs, bananas, spaghetti bolognese, sweet potatoes, and apple sauce pouches. He gets extremely hangry already!
Milo also has fun playing in his playroom. He can take toys out of the tubs, throw and chase balls, and make a huge mess incredibly quickly.
He is growing so fast and we love seeing his personality, determination and silly nature develop. He is such a joy and we are so blessed to call him son.
Milo Payton // Eleven Months Old
This past month you have become such a little man with the biggest personality. You chat nonstop and love playing in your playroom (as long as we are near). Playing for you consists of dumping everything out and it brings you so much joy.
You got your first two teeth and you were not very happy about that. You are standing up and moving along everything. Nothing is far from your reach. You still crawl in your own funny way but you are so determined to get everywhere. You started dancing and waving hello.
This month you said your second word (Mama!) and you say it when you want to be held. You love throwing balls and chasing them and have learned to push toy cars around the room.
Your laugh and your scrunched up smile are our favorites. We love you so much Milo and love the little boy you are growing up to be.
Milo Payton // Twelve Months Old
This has been the most exciting and most challenging month. You are crawling and standing and in everything. You can now say “mama”, “dada”, “dog” and “ball”. You want to be right near us but also you love to explore. Being outside with dirt, sticks and rocks is your absolute favorite. You love to dance and listen to music in the car (you scream if I turn it off).
Your favorite time of the day is when Daddy comes home from work. You eat so well and feed yourself like a big boy. Your tantrums are definitely intense but it shows us how passionate, sensitive and determined you are. Your have also discovered a new range to your screeching and it is really high pitched. We LOVE that haha.
You are standing on your own now and you pump your arms in excitement. You haven’t taken any steps yet but it won’t be long til you do. You have three teeth and one about to pop through. Teething is your least favorite activity.
Balls and cars are your favorite toys. You love that they roll and you throw them everywhere and anywhere and chase them.
Milo Payton, this past year has been such a joy seeing you grow. We are so excited for all that you have learned and all that you will become. Being your parents is our greatest honor and joy. We love you so much. Happy Birthday Sweet boy.
A year ago, the day after Mother’s Day, I woke up on Monday morning to missed calls and messages. Payton, Milo’s birth mom, had gone into labor almost a month before her due date. For some reason that weekend I had packed Milo’s hospital bags and put everything we needed together for him. We tried to book flights from Denver to Salt Lake City, but a hailstorm the night before damaged a bunch of planes and cancelled all flights that day. So our only choice was to drive. We frantically packed and called me dad who came to pick up the dogs. We packed up the car and began our 8 hour journey to Provo, Utah.
The entire drive there we received updates on how far along she was in labor. I am notorious for always sleeping in long car journeys, but I could not sleep at all. I was so nervous that we would not make it in time. By 3:30, she was fully dilated and told to rest until we arrived. We made it to the hospital by 4pm and I was shaking I was so nervous. We went upstairs and were greeted by Payton’s mother, who hugged me and told me it was all going to be ok. I burst into tears. I could not believe we made it in time and I was also freaking out that I would become a mom in less than an hour.
Milo was born and our lives changed completely. The next couple of weeks were a total blur. The newborn haze is totally real and something in your body makes you forget the sleepless nights and constant feedings. Milo grew so well, despite his reflux and constant puking. At every doctor’s visit he steadily climbed the growth chard in weight and length. His head has pretty much always been in the 90 percentile.
The first three months were a total transition for me. I went from working fulltime to mothering fulltime. Milo napped terribly and most days I did not even have the energy to shower or make myself lunch. Then I started my nanny job and added two more kids to the mix.
It was hard to leave the house because his reflux made the carseat really uncomfortable for him. So we pretty much stayed home. Looking back now I really treasure those months. Even though I felt like a chaotic mess, covered in puke, and constantly holding and feeding a baby, that time I spent nurturing and bonding with our baby boy.
One of the biggest highlights for me as a mom is seeing how Milo has learned to do things on his own. From rolling, to crawling, to standing, to dancing and to picking up food and eating, Milo is constantly learning and developing. He is growing into the sweetest and most caring little boy. His tantrums, although difficult at times, show us that he is passionate, sensitive and so determined. He is social and loves other people, especially his aunts and uncles.
Another highlight has been our relationship with Milo’s birth family. It has been such a joy sharing updates with his birth mom daily. She truly delights in everything Milo does and knowing how much she loves him gives me so much strength. I know that Milo will grow up with so much love from her and I treasure the bond they have with each other.
Waiting for Milo felt like forever, and now he is here and the time is just flying by. I cannot believe he is turning one today. Watching him play, explore, laugh and grow fills my heart with so much joy. Looking back at pictures of him as a newborn, I am filled with confidence that God gave us everything we needed to parent, nurture, and care for Milo. He sustained us then and will continue to sustain us year by year.
I am so humbled that we were chosen for this sweet boy. I am so honored that I get to be his mother and can already see what kind of a man he will become one day.
Milo Payton, on your first birthday, I want you to know just how incredibly loved you are by us, your family and our tribe of friends. You are the son we longed for, prayed for, and relentlessly pursued. You bring us so much joy. Happy Birthday to you. We love you.
Mother’s Day is a complicated holiday to celebrate for me. Growing up, Mother’s Day was celebrated with my parents and my brothers and sometimes my grandparents. It was always church and then lunch at my Mom’s restaurant of choice. Flowers, and cards and handmade gifts to celebrate the woman who gave her life to us daily.
After I got married and started our long journey to parenthood, Mother’s Day got harder and harder. It became a day where I was so unbearably aware of my empty womb. At church they would have the Mother’s stand up and they would receive a flower and recognition. Oh how I longed to stand with them.
It became even harder when all my friends started having kids and would celebrate their motherhood together. Their parenthood (which I was overjoyed for) was a constant reminder of my daily struggle with infertility and waiting to adopt.
Last Mother’s Day was filled with hope and fear. Hope of a baby boy who was due in less than a month and promised to be ours. Fear of a wonderful and amazing expectant mother who might change her mind.
Payton wrote me an email on Mother’s Day that broke my heart and filled it with joy all at the same time. I remember reading it and thinking how brave and mature and selfless Payton is as a mother. She has made the ultimate sacrifice to give her son the best start. She looked at Will and I and chose us for that best start. The weight of that is not lost on me.
Now today its Mother’s Day and Milo is turning one in two days. Its my first official Mother’s Day and I am feeling all the feels. Incredible joy because I get to be Milo’s mama. Incredible sadness because my joy in being a mother is only possible because of the brokenness of this world.
We have an amazing open adoption with Milo’s birth family, and I am so incredibly thankful for that. The more I get to know Payton, the more I adore and love her. When I am doubting my worthiness, she tells me how much she appreciates me and how happy she is that Milo is ours. But I know her choice was not easy and I cannot separate the sadness of that from the joy of parenthood.
In a perfect world there would not be infertility or adoption. But today, I am thankful that God redeemed two broken stories for his glory and purpose. I am thankful that Payton was brought into our lives, that she chose us to love and raise Milo, and that we get to know and love her as family. I am a mother because Milo’s first mom. Our motherhood has been shaped and modeled by our own mothers, who loved us first.
So today I held our sweet boy tighter and gave him my undivided love and attention. I will honor his birth mom today especially, but all days as I parent, love and nurture Milo. I will thank our mothers for loving us so well and for a childhood full of love and support. And I will show up every single day for Milo, whether or not I feel worthy of the title, because I am his mama.
The day had finally arrived. After home visits, sleepless nights, lots of paperwork and a whole lot of blow outs, we get to officially become a family. I woke up on Tuesday morning not really knowing how I felt. It had been such a journey to this day and it almost felt unreal. I put on my favorite playlist as I started getting ready for the hearing. As soon as Milo's adoption song came on, I broke down into big ol embarrassing sobs.
A year of negative pregnancy tests, 4 years of paperwork and putting ourselves out there only to be rejected by expectant mother, 3 agencies, so much waiting and heartbreak...all of those feelings came flooding in. But this time, instead of feeling immense pain and despair, I felt overwhelming joy. Milo had changed everything.
That morning I hugged him harder, spent more time just sitting with him and soaked up every laugh and smile. We left ridiculously early for the courthouse because it was snowing and I have a terrible reputation for always being late. The whole drive down we barely spoke...and I could not help but break down into tears off and on for that entire drive.
We arrived at the courthouse and after speaking to multiple clerks, we found our courtroom. 1R...the same dorm number I lived in my first year of college. We sat outside of the courtroom and waited for our family and friends to arrive.
Finally it was 11am and time for all of us to enter the courtroom for our hearing. We sat down with our social worker, with everyone in the row behind us. Our judge walked in and totally set the tone for the proceedings. He had adopted both of his sons and made us feel at ease with his kind nature and in sharing his story. He walked us through how the proceeding would go and then started the hearing.
We did not even make it 5 minutes before Milo peed through his entire outfit. We had to take a brief recess and it was all hands on deck to get him changed and cleaned. Looking back now, that embarrassing start allowed us all to relax and laugh. It was the perfect start to our hearing.
The judge started by questioning our social worker....was Milo a good subject for adoption? Did we meet his needs...financially, emotionally, and physically? She responded adamantly YES! The judge then questioned me. I raised my right hand (shaking to my core) and swore to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
He asked me if I was willing to look after Milo, provide for his needs and be his mother indefinitely. He asked me when I first met Milo, what I loved about him, and why I wanted to be his mother. He asked me if Milo had been to all of his scheduled doctor's visits and received the care he needs to thrive. He also told me that this adoption would be permanent, and joked that when Milo was a teenager, I could not take it back.
After my questioning was over, the judge made Will swear under oath and answer the same questions. He did so proudly and with amazing confidence. I looked at Will and knew that Milo has the most amazing dad. I know that Milo will grow up to be just like him.
After all the questioning, the judge decreed us Milo's legal parents. He looked right at me and told me from here on out, you will forever belong to him.
For the first time in almost a year, I felt like I could finally breathe. From the moment we matched, up until we finalized, I had been holding my breath. Even though Milo's birth mom chose us, even after seeing me at my most vulnerable through my blog, I was so terrified she might find some reason to change her mind. When we met in person, I worried that I would say something weird or crazy and make her change her mind about us. At the hospital, even though she was confident in her decision to place Milo with us, I was terrified she would change her mind.
When we brought Milo home, I was worried that I would never measure up to the honor of being his mother. Just like most first-time mothers, I questioned everything....was he gaining enough weight...was he sleeping enough...why was he upset? I was worried about sharing too much or saying something that might offend or make me look like a sleep-deprived crazy person.
So each week and month passed and I was still holding my breath. We had our post-placement visits from our social worker, we filled out reports on his health and development, and waited for our paperwork to be accepted by our judge. Our paperwork was rejected by the judge three times which was so nerve-wracking.
It was nothing to do with us as parents but all to do with the fact that Milo was born in Utah and we were finalizing in Colorado. Each state has different laws and procedures when it comes to adoption, and our state is the strictest. Our judge was very thorough and now I am extremely grateful. He is a man of great integrity, who has adopted both of his sons, and can say with complete confidence that our adoption of Milo is forever. Nothing can overturn it or change who we are now...his parents.
We are so incredibly grateful to our family and friends (near and far) who have walked alongside us in our journey to parenthood. We have been truly blessed with a community who have supported us, prayed for us, showed up fiercely for us and encouraged us. They are the people who did not let us give up hope, who have reassured us when we felt unworthy, and who love Milo unconditionally.
I could not be the mother and wife that I am today without these people.
This journey has been one of the hardest, but it has been the absolute best. It has brought the most wonderful people into our lives. People who understand the heartbreaking struggle of infertility and the absolute joy that is in adoption.
We are so thankful to God for his faithfulness and for the joy that we now get to experience as Milo's parents.
Milo Payton, we are so honored to call you our son.
Ithas almost been a year since we were first introduced to the agency and theexpectant mother that would change our lives completely.
February26, 2018, we were contacted by a friend about a potential situation. It was outof agency, out of state, and completely out of our control. Three days later, after anxiouslycorresponding with Payton (the expectant mother) and getting to know herbetter, she decided to choose us! Then began the waiting game for Baby M to beborn.
I remember those two months like they were yesterday. I was so excited for him to be born and so terrified that she would change her mind. I remember thinking how we had waited for him for so long (over 5 years) and how each day leading up to his due date felt like forever.
Despiteall of my planning and preparing, Milo made his grand entrance into the world amonth early. Eight months later and he is still doing things in his own timeand on his own terms.
The whole time we waited to become parents we imagined our future child. We pictured who they would be and all the things we would do as a family. Nothing could have prepared us for the joy that is Milo. He is better than anything we could have hoped for or imagined. We thank God for him every single day.
Nothing about our journey to parenthood has been easy or direct. Infertility almost destroyed our marriage and the long wait to adopt almost destroyed us personally. But I would not change a thing because it brought us to Payton. I still am in awe of her bravery and her love for Milo.
Our relationship with Payton and her family has been the biggest surprise and the biggest blessing. We had no idea how much of a bond we would feel with Milo’s birth family. We are so thankful that she changed her mind and chose an open adoption with us. She encourages me daily and it is an absolute joy to share pictures and videos with her. Open adoption is a beautiful thing.
Milo is so incredibly loved.
So how can I sum up the last 8 months, well really the last 5 years. We started this journey full of hope and completely naïve. We assumed we would match quickly and become parents, despite the statistics and long agency waiting lists. We had no idea how long the entire process would take.
Forthe most part we remained optimistic, even after the first agency ended upbeing a complete waste of our time and money. After months with the second agency and multiple rejections fromexpectant mothers, we started to loose hope.
We survived each holiday thinking it would be the last one we would experience childless. We watched all of our friends get pregnant and start their families. We ignored all the unwarranted advice and suggestions from naysayers. We focused on building our home, adventuring to new places and spending intentional time together.
Our home and our hearts were ready, we just had no idea who we were waiting for.
All of the paperwork, the waiting, the longing, the rejection, the brokenness and despair were completely worth it. I can look back now and see how God was preparing our hearts for Milo. He had chosen Milo for us and I would do it all over again just to be his mother.
Andnow here we are…8 months later and we get to officially call him our own.Social worker visits, court ordered documents, judge approved paperwork, andall the hurdles have been completed. We will sit in that courtroom with our sonand legally promise to care for him (physically and emotionally) for as long ashe needs. The honor and the responsibility are not lost on me.
Finalizing Milo’s adoption feels like the culmination of our adoption journey, but really it is only the beginning. One signature cannot capture a lifetime of parenthood. Its in the big and the little things of life….the nighttime feedings and the first steps, packing lunches and learning to read, the conversations and the heartbreaks, the comforting and the celebrating, the hugs and the goodbye waves, the school dances and the college essays.
We get the honor and responsibility of raising him, of shaping him, providing for all his needs, and most importantly, loving him.
We get the opportunity to declare in front of our family and the judge all the promises we have made from the moment we said yes. Milo, we will be there for the ups and the downs, the firsts and the lasts, the trials and the triumphs. We will hold you when you cry, help you get back on your feet when you fall, and guide you as you grow. We will share all of the things: laughter, adventures, rugby, french fries, and a love for DIY.
We love you to the moon and back , Milo Payton, and we are so thrilled to officially call you our son.
It’s been over six months since our sweet Milo was born. I cannot believe still have much he has grown and all the new things he can do. This age is equally exciting and exhausting for all three of us. Eating solids and learning to roll over have been the big highlights. He is such a happy baby (until he is hungry or tired or bored) and we love him so incredibly much.
Most of you know that during our adoption journey we called our future baby, Baby M. It would have made sense to call him Baby P(eck), but honestly I did not know that was a thing. We chose ‘Baby M’ because both of our baby names (boy/girl) begin with the letter M. It was easier for me to picture and pray for our future baby by giving them a name. We were not sure at the time whether we would be chosen for a baby boy or girl.
So Baby M became the name.
Naming our future child was so important to us. I already was not going to be able to create, carry and birth our child. I did not want to loose another part of motherhood and prayed desperately that our birth mom would allow us that honor.
As many of you know, Milo’s birth mom wanted a closed adoption when she chose us. While we were hopeful that she would one day want a relationship with him, we were given the right of naming from the start. I, however, was still terrified of sharing his name. I knew that if she did not like it, then it would be hard to name him Milo.
Up until Milo’s birth, my communication with his birth mom had been through her mother. I shared his name finally when she asked through email. I was so relieved that they loved the name. Now we had to figure out what his middle name would be.
I had my short list of names but they all felt wrong. I spent hours looking up middle names that would work well with “Milo” and even thought maybe our original name just would no longer work. And then on a forum I saw someone suggest the name Milo Payton. I knew then that this would be his name.
If you know us well and have spoken to me in person, you will know why this name is so special and so significant. I shared my feelings about the name with Will, who then shared that he had been thinking the same thing all along. Payton had to be the middle name.
This past weekend we went to Utah to visit Milo’s birth mom and her family. Over the past 6 months, both Will and I felt like one visit a year would not be enough for Milo to have a relationship with her. We asked her if she would be willing to see us more, and she said that she had wanted more visits but did not know how to ask.
God was stirring this in all of our hearts, and so we planned a trip on Thanksgiving weekend.
We have not shared personal details, pictures and names on social media to respect Milo’s birth mom’s privacy. This trip was so significant because we grew closer to Milo’s birth family and his birth mom is finally sharing her beautiful story.
This means, with her blessing, we are now able to share her with you all too.
Payton is one of the bravest and most selfless people I have the privilege of knowing and now calling family. She is the reason I get to call myself “mom”. We chose to name Milo after his birth mom because we have the greatest amount of respect and love for her. We want Milo to always know where he came from, and to not doubt for a second that he is so incredibly loved by her.
When we met Payton and her mom for the first time (two weeks before Milo was born), we were terrified. Terrified she would change her mind about us, and terrified that, knowing she wanted a closed adoption, that she would not be okay with us choosing Payton as his middle name.
Obviously you know that neither of those fears became realities. She loved that we wanted to use her name, especially since she was so worried he would hate her one day for her decision to place him for adoption. She had also decided that she wanted a semi-open adoption, and we were really excited and hopeful for that.
These past six months, I have shared pictures, videos and updates with her. Payton and I text almost daily and I love that I get to share Milo growing up with her. She has encouraged me and affirmed me as a mother. When I find things hard or think I’m failing as a mother, she responds with grace and kindness.
I cannot wait to share this past weekend with you all. I am in awe by how God has redeemed both our stories and is shaping this journey for us. We are so excited that Milo gets to grow up with two families who love him more than anything.